Me need help? 

I grew up watching my mom take care of herself, her kids and others. She is the example of an independent woman.  She worked two jobs most of the time. She had to in order to keep us and keep us sheltered and fed. 

There were times she got government assistance, but it wasn’t the majority of the time and she was not proud to have done that. But there were times when things were hard and having food stamps were needed.  But aside from that my mom did so much by her means. 

I don’t share that solely to let people know how proud I am to have a mom like that.  But to explain how I am the way I am. 

I am not one to ask for help. I don’t mean like when working and I need help understanding something. I can do that. But asking for help with studies, with pretty much all other things has not been easy for me. In some ways I’ve seen that as weakness. We must take care of ourselves.  Yet, yes contradicts that, I like to be there to help others. I want to be the person that helps people.  I’ve always wanted to have a job where it is in the capacity of helping.  

So, perhaps I only have seen ME asking for help as a weakness on MY side. Yes, I’m weird. 

Truly as I’ve gotten older I see how that thinking is weird, and not so right. 

As long as you don’t take advantage of those that want to help. And see that it is ok to ask for help. As people may not know you are in need it you don’t ask. Which I think is the case with me. 

People see me as this strong woman going through cancer, a second time now. I do my best to stay positive.  To be optimistic. Doing what I can to give a sunny disposition.  Even when I give updates to have horrible the side effects are with chemotherapy.  

I feel like that is why no one offers help or asks me if I need anything. Although a few have actually.  The majority haven’t.  And that is ok. I do also feel like offering help is not necessarily easy or something people, many anyway, are accustomed to.  And I guess that is ok too.

My point being, how can people help if they know not of your need? 

And that asking for help doesn’t make one weak. I think, personally,  that it takes a strong person to let people know they are struggling–especially if that person has never been one to admit to such a thing. At least that is what I’m learning. 

And it has been a hard lesson for me to learn. But I am learning. Through the guidance of good friends. Friends that see me struggle and want to help. 

That is what happened this month. My friends created a Gofundme page. And it was hard to let them do that. I didn’t want people to worry. And I didn’t want to make them thinn I’m not trying to provide for myself.  But as my friends said: It’s not about that at all. Everyone knows how independent you are. 

I will admit having a Gofundme page has been a little weird as those who donated are mostly strangers. Folks I don’t even know. And none of my family have donated. Nor have friends I considered good close friends. Perhaps that’s another reason I was hesitant to have one. Because I’d see many not donate. Is that wrong of me? For it’s not a matter of who gives just that some will, right?

I am glad of this experience though. Very. And it has everything to do with learning that asking for help is not the same thing as demanding it or expecting it. And it is not a sign of weakness. But rather a sign that I am only human and there are good people in this world that want to help. They are just waiting for the opportunity.  Just like when I await the next opportunity to help someone. It’s all about being there for one another. 

Thanks for spending a little time reading this blog. Have a great day, wherever you are.

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