After ovarian cancer I started to see birthdays as more special than I had before. Not in a “I want everyone to look at me and give me gifts” way, but just in a grateful way. Because another year of life is truly something to be grateful for. I celebrate getting to have another birthday more because, sadly, so many who get cancer don’t get to do the same. Maybe that’s part of survivors guilt and maybe it’s just putting things into perspective as well as wanting to appreciate what so many don’t. Maybe it’s all of the above actually.
Then my mom died (from complications to covid-19) two months ago and I didn’t know if celebrating my birthday would ever be the same. She was always just about the first one to call me. I loved hearing her voice even if it was left on a recording. But I won’t ever get another call from her again and I didn’t know how I would feel when I woke up this morning.
But here I am getting to turn another year older and though I miss my mom so very much I know she’d want me to be happy. She’d want me to dry my eyes and remember all the love she gave me and to play the recording of her singing me happy birthday she sent me on WhatsApp, back in 2018. And she’d want me to remember there is still much to celebrate. Like the love I receive from so many friends, family and even strangers.
So, that’s what I’m going to do.
I have been given nine birthdays now since I was diagnosed with latestage ovariancancer. Yes, I am now battling cancer for the third time BUT I’m still here! I’m still able to get out of bed and enjoy the sun on my face when I go for short walks. I’m still able to drive myself to see my stepdad and others. I’m still (relatively) young. And I am still kicking cancers arse believing that God will continue to give me the strength to carry on.
That’s worth celebrating, eh? 😊
It’s my birthday and my wish is that we be kinder to one another. That we remember to say I love you more. To not take for granted even the little things. And to try and thank God for the things we do have instead of focusing on what we don’t have, which I know can he hard sometimes.
Happy February y’all!